Leica to Branch Out into New Digital Venture

by Miserere

  

Leica M8.2

This “insider information” was too funny not to share:

No, no, no, you guys are getting the wrong take on this. Here’s the real info, leaked by an authoritative Leica headquarters employee who had underestimated the effects of American bourbon:

  • Capitalizing on the huge activity and interest in participating in Internet photo forums, Leica is taking the next logical step into the “digital age” by ceasing the complex and expensive production of actual cameras, and instead specializing in the manufacture of camera rumours.
  • Beginning this fall, every Leica customer will be able to purchase his or her own exclusive rumour, crafted with all the quality and precision you have come to expect from the Leica brand name. Your rumour will include a full package of highly engineered components including factory leaks, dealer gossip, blurry spy photos, mysterious sketches, patent filings and provocative listings of possible specifications… all the finely finished details that will bring you prestige and authority when you post them on photo forums.
  • Customers demanding an even more individualised and distinctive rumour will be able to utilise Leica’s “A La Carte” program to have their rumours customized with their choice of finishes and materials.
  • Your Leica rumour will be fully covered by the Passport Protection Plan; if it becomes discredited, disparaged or otherwise broken within three years of purchase, it will be replaced with a new rumour at no additional charge.
  • The Research and Development division already is working on future technological enhancements such as distribution of rumour components via Twitter feeds and high-definition online video, but no delivery date for these or other improvements has been proposed.

Clearly this new direction for photography’s most respected name will be a great benefit to Leica and its customers alike.

Leica will improve its financial position through elimination of the expense and bother of buying raw materials, tooling, etc.; and cleanliness of facilities will be increased by removal of messy metalworking and painting operations.

Also, the move eliminates the need to hire and train replacement workers for the Leica employees who actually are involved in camera production (Jurgen, Hans, Frieda, Kurt, Liesl, and that Polish guy in the back that nobody talks to) all of whom are scheduled to retire within the next three years.

Customers will benefit by enjoying an exciting new product offering which will align more closely with camera users’ interests, allowing them to spend even more time posting on photo forums while spending less time on tedious activities such as photography. Research has shown that photography is declining sharply in popularity among camera owners because it carries the risks of getting their lenses dirty and of coming into contact with dangerous and unpleasant phenomena such as wildlife, inclement weather conditions, and persons of lower socioeconomic standing.

Other industry rumours suggest that Canon, Nikon, Pentax et al have already picked up hints of Leica’s plans and have launched their own crash R&D programs aimed at phasing out camera manufacture and concentrating fully on rumour production. So once again, Leica is leading the camera industry as it did almost 80 years ago!

Randomly found here, courtesy of Ranger 9’s imagination.

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